Sunday, March 15, 2015

One Week...



One week... was all it took for things to unfold...
a time frame that has happened one too many times before...
first it was my incompatibility and now it is your insecurity...
yet time and time again... i keep coming back for more...

*had someone put the brakes on me after discovering my love for kink...
 it shook me to the core but  “shake it off” i did...

**then came the trip of a lifetime, 5 days... of pure heaven...
a week later... to save myself from sorrow, i did what i did...

...(delete)

One week was all it took for things to suddenly change...
how a matter of miniscule... could turn me the other way...
i don’t know if i can truly endure... and live in this crazy world...
a world where it’s so hard to find love...
 love a guy and be gay...


~ by N!LoC ~

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Another First...




yeah...

there it is...

the first guy to ever reciprocate an "i miss you" ... with a "miss you too"...

(and the other part of that is just a recognition of the "kinky" things we did together)

** insert deviant but innocently sadistic giggle**

hihihi

:-)



SIN : An American In Singapore...



continued from part 7...

all in all ... this was yet another trip of a lifetime...

i never thought that i would enjoy myself as much as i did with a guy i met from such a sleazy gay app...

i have experienced so many new and wonderful things in the course of 5 days than i had in the past 5 years...

he is "james bond"....  (ala coming out of the hotel pool in a sexy speedo just like that epic Daniel craig moment)

he is "the terminator".... (ala being a beast in the hotel gym for my eyes only to stare and be in complete and utter awe)

he is "ms. congeniality"... (ala being so considerate of my lack of social abilities when i was the 3rd wheel while he met up with his friend for a beer as he tried to include me in their conversations...) 

**so as we spent our last hours together rushing to the airport and checking in to terminal 3 or terminal 2 and flights being delayed and whatever... i kept replaying all the good times we had together... (feeling a little sad that this could very well be our first and last goodbye...)

he mentioned... “that’s the beauty of life” ... you never know what’s going to happen... and as i pondered on his statement...

i couldn’t help but wonder...

how things would turn out... if a guy like him and a boy like me were somehow living in the same city...

where he could be my “MR. BIG”.... and i could be his “CARRIE”...



Saturday, March 7, 2015

SIN : Firsts...




alot of “firsts”  happened for me while we were enjoying our amazing time in Singapore...

lots of them were little the things that i witnessed or lived out  that helped me tick off my bucket list of “dream come true”... for instance :-

*first guy i ever slept with... like... slept...& woke up to ... (an awesome feeling...)

*first guy going grocery shopping with and buying the mundane daily essentials like bottled water and milk and bananas (oh how i love doing that)

*first guy to go out in a tanktop with and feeling so mighty proud to know that the hot guy in the tanktop and topgun aviator shades was with me... (yeah gaysies! you can stare all you want... but he’s coming home with me tonight!!!)

*first guy to go out to a gay bar with who was actually with me (keep them stares coming people! he’s all mine !)

*first guy to ever take a wiff of my security pillow... as he followed it up with a “hmmmm so this is how you smell like!”  (lol.... too cute...)

*first guy to ever take a wiff of my undies (which i carelessly left on the bathroom sink countertop after my shower)...as he followed it up with a “hmmmmm so this is how you smell like!”  (URGH!!!! made me blush like hell!)

*first guy to ever witness my brave and epic fear conquering moment where i decided to get out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist.. which he then pervertedly skipped on over and pulled my towel out to sneak a peek at my butt cheeks... and also wiggled his finger down my crack... (urGH!!! made me blush as hell yet again!!!)

*first guy to let me see his sweaty pits after a hot afternoon of walking around in the sun and even let me touch his ripe and moist pit hairs... and EVEN read me well enough to say “it’s okay... go on and smell your finger... you know you want to??!!...” (which i did... and my eyes rolled straight to the back of my spine...)

*first guy to let me stare and drool at him in the hotel gym while he was working out his biceps and triceps and lats and abs and pecs... and ...... (sigh).... it was great being his waterboy...

*first guy to go swimming with in the hotel pool with... and when i say "swimming with" ... i mean him in the pool and me under a shaded cabana looking after his clothes, towel and slippers ... (sigh)... it was great being his poolboy...

and there were a few other “firsts” which i probably shouldn’t mention...

hmmmmmm......


Friday, March 6, 2015

SIN : Spoon & Wiggle...



continued from part 5...

oh our first night sleeping in bed together...

he went to bed in a tanktop and grey emporio Armani undies... while i went to bed in a loose fitting t shirt and shorts...

lol.. so i was in bed hugging my security pillow which i brought with me from home and he looked over to me and said “hmmm i am soooo jealous of that pillow right now”  ... lol ... (oh... the cutest things he says.. sigh...)

that night we started off cuddling with him spooning me...

it was such a new thing to me... i have never been spooned before and my body just didn’t know how to react to it... i must say... i went all stiff (not in the perverted kinda way mind you!) but just an awkward kinda feeling for the first 10 minutes or so... i didn’t move much because as i said.. i was just a stiffy-do the whole time... and then..

he moved away and rolled over...

and immediately i thought to myself ... “hey hey! where are you going? do i repulse you?” lol... which in fact he was just rolling over to his side of the bed... and me being the sensitive virgin with no spooning or cuddling experience at all... i was just simply over thinking things...

and that’s when i felt ... after having him spoon me for a bit and rolled over to give me my space... i realized then and there ... that my body was telling me that i wanted him to spoon me... more... and somewhere during the middle of the night... as he somehow got rid of his tanktop... he pulled me close and spooned me again...

and then i finally got to really immerse myself within his arms and legs... and man oh man did it feel good....

so here is how it went down:-

1st night - me sleeping in t shirt and shorts

2nd night – me going to bed in t shirt and shorts ... but he managed to pull the shirt of my back during the first few minutes of cuddling because he kept tugging at my shirt (like a kid does to his daddy asking for ice cream) which i ultimately gave in to his adorable request... :-p

3rd night – me going to bed in t shirt and shorts again (but somewhere in the midst of it all... i found myself sleeping in just my undies)

4th night – me going to bed in only my undies


5th and final night – me going to bed in only my undies (but the next morning... they somehow managed to wiggle themselves off) hihi.... :-p


Thursday, March 5, 2015

SIN : Snap...



continued from part 4...

SNAPPING !!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah... even on vacation i still try and manage a snap or two...

and this was me showing him how it was done...

quick .... precise... and straight to the point without anybody noticing...

lol...

i never felt more proud ... showing off my ninja skills of snapping right in the act to someone...

:-)

continued to part 6...

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

SIN : Nick Names...




continued from part 3...

the first time we stepped out of the hotel looking for a bite to eat... he kinda discovered something about me.. that some people would either find (intriguing and endearing) or (prissy and a complete turn off)...

i pulled out my trusty fold able UV reflective coated umbrella and shielded myself from the sun... and he just looked at me and giggled under his breath.... as i proudly explained my little pet peeve about just how much i hate the sun ... and that’s when he called me a...

 “vampire”  :-p

and that primary nickname kinda stuck throughout the whole 5 day vacation...we went and visited places which i would have not normally gone to... such as:-

hot and noisy food courts with no air conditioning (but the food was great!)

old historical streets that were narrow and cramped with no air conditioning (but i felt so much more of a cultured person after walking through them!)

just generally places with no air conditioning PERIOD! (get my drift ? lol)

but the places we did also go to were malls malls malls and MORE shopping MALLS!!!... i was in my natural element of retail heaven... and that only added to my professional capabilities of enabling him to shop shop shop and then SHOP some MORE!

and that’s when he gave me my secondary nick name for this trip appropriately known as...

the “enabler” :-p

oh... i almost forgot... one time at a shopping mall ... i even showed him one of my gifted skills of...



Tuesday, March 3, 2015

SIN : Embrace...



continued from part 2...

i wasn’t quite sure if the guy standing there was really him... but when he finally looked up at me from a distance... and called out my name...  i automatically gave him a shy smile... and walked towards him not knowing what to do really...

i gave a disgustingly conservative handshake and then he looked at me and said “oooo preppy!” (admiring my checkered long sleeved shirt)... as he was tugging on my elbow sleeve...

i could tell by our very first physical interaction that he liked what he saw...and later i confirmed it by asking him “so do i look the same as in my pictures?”....

he said “ yes... ...... .... err ... actually.... even better”...

(i smiled ... blushed and looked away thinking to myself... THANK GOD)

we took the train to the nearest stop where our hotel was and halfway through the train interchange ... a mother and her babie was sitting across from us.... and she was actually BREAST FEEDING it in public... and while me and him were still making small talk getting to know each other face to face... i just took out my phone... and quickly typed out something on my note app and showed it to him...

he immediately burst out giggling... (which was kinda cute all by itself) ... because he finally could experience my crass sense of humour in person...  which by the way... the thing i typed out on my phone was...

:-p

later when we finally checked in the hotel room and closed the door... before i could even put my bag down on the bed... he just came to me with arms wide open... motioning me for a hug... yes... a hug! not a disgustingly conservative handshake... a real live hug!

and as we embraced for the very first time... his arms over me and my head on the side of his shoulder...

i closed my eyes...


and............ melted...




Monday, March 2, 2015

SIN : Real...


terminal 3

i remember it so clearly... it was a lazy Sunday afternoon and for some weird reason... i was feeling more lifeless and depressed than usual... i have been doing the rounds of the social gay apps twice , thrice and five times over... recycling the jerks that just come around looking for one trick ponies...

so i expanded my search and treaded international waters... country by country... far and beyond... from japan to the states... & down under back to asia...

i was ready to call it a day and throw in my white flag of virginity until i got a reply from one guy almost immediately after sending him a message...

his profile on RECON caught my attention mainly because he wrote alot of specifics in what he wanted and what he was looking for... i kinda thought to myself that hmmm i'm kinda ticking off all the boxes on his checklist... (he even joked that he might have found his perfect match)...

fast forward 6 months later since that first chat... we had planned a holiday together for SIN (Singapore) and the blind anticipation of meeting up with someone whom i haven’t even talked to on skype or viber didn’t really get to me... i just went ahead with it... rolling in the deep... he also said that i was particularly brave and courageous... to be meeting someone just like that given the circumstances...

a part of me felt like i just needed to do this... for my own good... and a part of me also felt like he actually could turn out to be one of those jerk holes that could possibly f#ck!ng rape me...  

it didn’t completely feel right... and i certainly wasn’t a hundred % CERTAIN that i could trust the guy ... i mean... you can never be certain anyways when it comes to the whole online thingy...

but after finally seeing him at terminal 3 at the airport in his red t shirt and casual knee length cargo pants... it suddenly all hit me and became “real”...



Sunday, March 1, 2015

SIN In The City...


singapore...


this is a story of how i met a man from a sleazy gay app and ended up having one of the most memorable times of my life...

the app : RECON

the man : BEAUTIFUL :-)

the place : SIN

yes... if you book any flight to Singapore... the country’s code is abbreviated as "SIN"...

and that’s how this came to be... because “SIN in the city” .... it truly was....

taking inspiration from one of my favourite tv shows of all time... “SEX in the city”... (which by the way.. is currently playing re runs on tv as i write this... and i am watching every episode religiously just like i used to back in the day...)

i am up to season 2 where the flirtations and amazing chemistry between “CARRIE” and “MR. BIG”.... is making me reminisce of our short time together...

because up until having met up with him... i have never EVER had this much of a real life face to face up close... personal... physical...mental and emotional interaction with a man.


and the story began one lonely depressing afternoon when i randomly chatted with him on RECON...


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