Fainting Moment...

Miss You...

 

sometimes when i’m alone in my room, feeling just a little lonely and blue...

it’s safe to say that, i think i miss you...

this feeling is nothing new to my heart, especially when the world sets us apart...

now more than ever, i know i miss you...

every night when i  lay down, in my bed so safe and sound...

that’s because i dream of you here beside me...

i close my eyes and i can see, you and i just meant to be...

this feeling is so true...

a feeling i always knew...

really nothing i can do...

i just miss you...

~ by N!LoC ~ 

I Was A Dream...

a guy had a dream of me... and this was how he described it...

me and him were on "walnut" street... and we had just come from buying some stuff... and i saw something in the window (he can't recall what it was)... but it was something expensive... a piece of jewelry perhaps...

and i literally said to him...

"YOU'RE GONNA BUY ME THAT NOW DADDY!" 

(and i said it loud!... and i stomped my feet !....)

and a lady that was passing by saw us and said...

"for someone so cute... you have such a mouth on you!!"

and then he looked at her... shook his head and told her...

"well what do you want me to do?"

** i'm still in awe that i made a special guest appearance in someone's dreams... kinda makes me wonder what must have been going through his subconscious mind that day... hmmmmm

:-)

Snap 2.0...

de ja vu' ????

does that tattoo look familiar???

well... hahahah... here's why.... (click here)

boy... i just love going tank top hunting i mean ... "grocery shopping" on sunday mornings...

I Wish For Me...

a perfect day within the time of spring

a man gets down and proposes with a ring

to my surprise i gasp so gleefully

that’s the kinda day i wish for me

loving feelings that lift me up so high

til i start singing mariah’s “butterfly”

can’t believe how this could come to be

that’s the kind of day i wish for me

but till the day that i can say “i do”

i have to have my one and only you

to bridge the distance through ocean and sea

that’s the kinda day i wish for me

~ by N!LoC ~

Sweet Moment...

Snap 2.0...

do u have any idea how long it took me to take these 2 snaps????

i had to hover around him in circles for about 40 mins just waiting for him to stay still!

man this one was tough cookie (literally...lol) ... but it was all worth it...

Singapore Part 5 : A Taste Of Wanting More...

“guess it’s true... i’m not good at a one night stand...”

continued from part 4...

those are the first words sam smith sings on “stay with me”... And basically that's exactly how I was feeling after my one night stand with that amazing guy who was a complete gentleman throughout the whole experience... 

and i thought i could take my mind off things with another guy i had lined up for some more kinky fun the very next day... but i’ll just cut to the chase...

having experienced 2 totally different guys within more or less 12 hours apart ... it was literally like night and day...

from an older caucasian man...

to a younger asian guy right about my age...

from a passionate take charge kinda bloke who knows what he wants...

to a submissive shy and quiet “softy” who reminds me alot about my own little self...

(and pls note that there is no real mention about their physical appearances... because i know that i can look past the physical stuff and get to feel someone just by an initial connection and great chemistry)

maybe it was the difference in age... (and with age does come great experience)... or maybe it was just how as far as i can remember...i’ve always had this strong attraction to westerners ... and i say westerners... because it don’t really matter if you’re black or white... i just feel like i am built specifically for them...

and what just solidified this fact was... at the Mariah concert later that night... the whole stadium was filled with fabulous gays... and oh so many interracial gay couples (rice queens + asian boy toys) and with every passing rice queen couple i glanced at ... my heart mustered up some bittersweet feelings that went a little like...... DAMM IT! I WANT ME SOME OF THAT TOO!!!! boo hoo :-(

because i’ve had a taste of it ... and now i want more... there is just no going back...

i ultimately know what i want (something i’ve always known as a little gay boy)... and that... it’s a very specific... yet non discriminating preference of what sort of FLAVOUR i want and need in my life...

so... as i was going through a mini emotional breakdown moment on my last day in Singapore after such a whirlwind kinky sexcapade and awesome MARIAH concert... i remedied it with a pig out session with dougnuts... meat on sticks... and a huge slice of pizza... and just as the green gummy worm fortune teller said...

“colin the caterpillar... he is what he eats”

from a stark contrast from my last trip to Singapore.... this time around... i returned home not looking for some kinky fun anymore (although i’m sure that is not quite out of the question lol)

but now i’m looking for something much more... i’m looking for someone who can appreciate my new found love for VANILLA... and my ever sinful CHOCOLATE indulgent kinky desires... not to mention... someone who also finds my cute STRAWBERRY cheesecake sweetie pie personality that would go oh so well with a great dish of “potato salad with chicken slices... (yes... that’s my reference to “white meat” for ya... lol)

and i guess it’s not as bad as i thought .. cuz i have a couple of great guys who i keep in touch with online that are all sorta what i’m looking for...

*one in particular who lives in a certain sunshine state ... (yes, that’s the little mention you asked for..)

:-P 

Singapore Part 4 : A Taste Of Vanilla...

"colin the Caterpillar... becomes a beautiful butterfly"

continued from Part 3...

yes... vanilla... the flavour that i have never really took any fancy to...

if i'd like to indulge in... (let's say).....ice cream ... i immediately think of chocolate... and when the rare mood calls for something different... i go for sweet cute and pink-hued  strawberry...

but NEVER just plain vanilla...

it just doesn’t satisfy me one bit...

now having said that... i really am just referring to ice cream flavours... but in terms of something more sexual... “vanilla” sex was something i never gave any thought to ... mainly because of how i could never imagine myself getting naked and rolling around in bed with a guy (with all my - body conscious insecurities - and all..) ... and may i remind you... i do have UGLY DUCKLING SYNDROME ! and still cope with it every single day...

sometimes... you can plan and anticipate things until you get blue in the face... but when you get down to it... things just happen... and they can take a turn on it’s own... and that’s kinda what happened with me and a guy i met up with from RECON.

now i am not one to just kiss and tell... (i’m a classy lady... or at least i’d like to think so... lol)... but the entire experience with him from start to finish... was... a surprising eye opener...

it started out kinky (blindfolded "prisoner of war" position and all) and worked it's way backwards from there... and ultimately ended up being a full fledged VANILLA make out session in bed... lol... well i wanted to give him a happy ending with a hand job but he stopped me and said :

" no... i'm not gonna cum now... ...... .... i want you to kiss me..."

(and my god... some part in my mind just went ... YES SIR!!! ... you ask... and you shall receive!!!...)

i experienced alot of firsts with him... mainly being my first time kissing a guy ... cuddling with a guy...  being completely naked with a guy...  Seriously! That wasn't an easy feat for me to do! I totally shed all my inhibitions away and became ... well? ... A butterfly ! Lol !

(there was even a particular moment where his untied wrists from behind his head slowly crept it's way couping a feel up my ass and thigh ... then as his blind fold finally came off and he took one slow long look at my bare naked vulnerable body... and whispered... “baby... you're so beautiful”....)

my heart stopped beating for an entire second... 

and the moment i heard him say that to me... i immediately went “down” and “tasted” something for the very first time... lol  (i guess that’s the right way to win me over and make to me go down on ya...)

again... i really don’t want to dive into too much detail... but... i also gave him something i always wondered about... something that i learned from seeing bob carlisle on an interview on oprah ages ago about his song called “butterfly kisses”... it’s actually a real sappy corny love song but scroll towards the end of the (linked) video to find out what’s it means to give someone butterfly kisses...

when we finally finished up... we had one more last kiss (a few more last kisses actually... hihi)....but on our very very last kiss just before we said our goodnights as he had to leave..... one of my feet automatically did this...

:-)

sigh.... it was a completely un forced reflex action .... it was mind boggling that my twinkle toes kicked one heel up... and i ended up giggling about it uncontrollably...

i may have experienced alot of my firsts with him... but technically i’m still a virgin... and walked away with accepting this for what it really was...

a sam smith song....

continued to part 5...

Singapore Part 3 : A Taste Of Things To Come...

gummy worms...

in previous posts “Thirsty” & “A Mariah Feeling”... i mentioned how i would be back in Singapore to see Mariah live in concert... and that was gonna be a real dream come true... and i was determined that i would make another dream come true... a dream that the little gay “boy” inside me has been yearning for all this time... a true moment i have wondered about for what seems for like all eternity...

so...on the first day i touched down in Singapore again.. i went straight to my fav place to do some “grocery store walking” and this pack of gummy worms totally caught my attention ... well... mainly because it had my name written all over it lol!

“colin the caterpillar ...becomes a beautiful butterfly”

seeing it literally made me giggle out loud to myself...  and i also noticed another one which read...

“colin the caterpillar... he is what he eats”

now... little did i know... that these cute and quirky gummy worm thingy’s would actually turn out to be a tell tale sign for a "taste" of things to come....

a "taste" of a particular "flavour" that i didn’t quite anticipate at all ...

(just so you know this is getting a little freaky because... as i’m typing this out... i’m realizing just how all these signs are matching up to be... my name on the gummy worm pack... my fav colour being green... and as i stamped my signature avatar for this blog post pic... isn’t it a coincidence that my avatar is a little birdie.. and what do little birdies like to eat? ... WORMS!!!! LOL!)

and don't even get me started on the whole thing with MARIAH and butterflies :-p

Continued to Part 4...