Sunday, March 30, 2014

Snap...


can you feel me behind you?

uh oh.. are you turning around?

ok.. this was cutting it close !

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Stupid Boy...



i suddenly remembered this particular incident that happened with a guy (“Mr. Player”)...

long story short....

it was late at night ...

i was in bed...

he called me...

talking turned into phone sex...

one thing he said to me was “i wanna hear you make some noise” (as he touched himself)...

after he came... he fell asleep... leaving me talking on the phone to a snore...

which took me a few good minutes to realize...

hahaha (sigh)....

i was such a stupid boy...

and at times... i feel i still am...

:-( 


Monday, March 24, 2014

My Little Black Book : Hook Up...


"...every now and then... i find myself doing a little soul searching about why is it just so hard for me to find a decent guy to call my own... and in this particular episode of my life... i looked back on my experiences with guys that just make me wonder... where are all the good guys...?"

BRITISH UNCLE ~

this was one of the most adventurous things i had ever done... which was basically meeting a guy for a “hook up”... plain and simple...  he was in town for a couple of days for business and he wanted to meet up in his hotel room...

mind you... he was a much older guy, balding and with a pot belly just like santa clause... he was such a gentleman... meeting me at the lobby and accompanying me to his room... we sat down and he turned off the tv and i knew then... he meant business...

we talked for awhile and (again i just don’t know why i just have this way of clicking and conversing so easily, having so much in common with much older guys) ... then he changed the subject to what we would like to "do"...  he told me what he wanted to "do"... and then it was my turn... but the moment i told him about not liking anyone touching me... (read “Don’t Touch My Body” for more info about one of my pet peeves)... he basically said that well..

“that’s that then?.. there’s no point in doing anything if i don’t get to do anything to you let alone even touch you”... 

(now he could have easily stood up and asked me to leave and not waste his time...) but as i said... he was a gentleman and he smiled and just gave me some good advice about pursuing anymore “hook ups” in the future... because he said it's gonna be hard to find hook ups with guys when you are not willing to let them touch me...

it was a nice heart to heart ... words of wisdom coming from a man who apparently had a boyfriend back home but openly admits to fooling around with other guys whenever he travels... and i thought.. hmm maybe it was for the best... because what would i have been if i really did go through with fooling around with him?... i would technically have been known as “the other woman!”  lol


oh well... at least i was honest with him and stayed true to my principles... i really just don’t think i would like anyone touching me... i like to "give"... not so much "get"... that’s just me :-)  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Pee Pee...



so i was at the mall the other day and used one of the toilet cubicles for a pee pee...

when i closed the door... i couldn’t help but notice that some  gay guys wrote their phone numbers down on the back of the toilet door... and it was funny thing to giggle at...

(giggle giggle)...

So after peeing and doing the jiggle wiggle... i just found myself weirdly drawn to those numbers on the door again...  i read his name closely (and he even put his age there) ... thinking  (oh ! he is close to my age !...and he’s gay!...) and i suddenly envisioned me... and this guy...

starting chatting back and forth... 
and meeting up for a date... 
or 2... 
and hitting it off right off the bat... 
and eventually becoming boyfriends... 
that would turn into a long term relationship... 
because he could really be my long lost star crossed lover ...

then BAM!!! i woke myself out from that horrific shopping mall toilet cubicle daze...thinking .... (gosh!!! how utterly desperate must i be ??? to actually think that this could actually be a good way to meet a guy for something serious????)

by even letting myself go that far to even think that way... made me realize just how low i think of myself... to even consider picking up my phone and texting that number that was written on the back of that sleazy cubicle toilet door !

and for a split second ... i even thought i would scribble my own number there too just for fun! (but in actual fact hoping to get "lucky")....

"lucky" (in love)... not (get laid) “lucky”... but... GOSH!!!! how could i even think that!!!


:-/

Monday, March 17, 2014

Let Go...



there comes a time when you think you’ve had about enough...
when it seems like you’ve said “goodbye” a thousand times before...
it may be simple... but sometimes simple can be really tough...
when you have to let go and not have your special someone anymore...

~ by N!LoC ~

Monday, March 10, 2014

My Time...



when i was a teen... i  had it all planned out...

i was to go to college... totally get a makeover and change myself completely... workout.. lose weight... look sexy without a shirt on... and be hot enough to wear tanktops out in public...

have a group of good looking friends... and come out as a GAY! and have a gorgeous boyfriend who was the perfect picture i always painted in my dreams...

experiment with sex and discover my self ... and yada yada yada... the list goes on...

(well... you know what ?  life doesn’t always go according to plan...)

i am still the very same person... and that is a GOOD thing (depending on how you look at it?)... im very much still in the “closet”... and i do have a drawer of tanktops that i collect but never wear out in public... :-p

i basically have not made any new friends since then... and have yet to meet my gorgeous boyfriend...
and don’t even get me started on the “sex” thing... (it’s like i have a P.H.D in sex & porn research and have vast amounts of knowledge on paper... but still have yet to even take a practical exam) lol....

sigh.... it was supposed to be my time... that’s what being a teen is all about... finding yourself in various ways... experiencing life as it comes...  growing into a young adult and knowing what you want out of life...

my childhood was a nightmare...

my teen years was uneventful (to say the least)...

and now as i near a milestone birthday in a couple of years... i can’t regret all the things i did or didn’t do... i just wished that i could have had the whole boyfriend experience generally like every other person out there...

(yes... i did have an online boyfriend before as so eloquently depicted on this blog...) but ... gosh... i have never even had a “real life FACE TO FACE IN PERSON HOLDING HANDS WAKING UP IN BED TOGETHER READING BODY LANGUAGE FIGHTING AND ARGUING IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT LITTLE GESTURES THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE kinda boyfriend” experience... you know what i mean???


sigh... when will it be my time?

Friday, March 7, 2014

My Boom Box...


JAWBONE BIGJAMBOX

for the past couple of years... i have suddenly come to find that music has been missing in my life...

and i say that in realization because as a kid... and one of my earliest memories was getting a waterproof radio to put in the bathroom to listen to stuff while in the shower... lol

but i eventually just put it beside my pillow and listen to donna lewis sing “i love you always forever” lol... that was the year i got my first radio device... and that song was playing like an epidemic... hihi

when that radio broke down... i somehow managed to persuade my parents to get me a boombox oh ... i did get alot of mileage out of that one...spice girls & backstreet boys galore! and when that boom box broke down... i basically got it replaced with the same one but in silver and with extra bells and whistles...a cool cd player to play all my Mariah and toni Braxton “-“...

and now thinking back.. ever since i went off to college ... music was still a huge part of my life... but i started listening to music in different ways like with a walkman and discman... (do any of you still remember those vintage gadgets?) lol...

and i only got my first ipod in 2007 and took a long time to figure out how firkin mp3 players work!

now... a boombox radio had been missing in my life (and my bedroom) for a vast number of years... thats only because we have ipods... and iphones... and stuff... but nothing beats an old fashioned music player to play in your room to help u get through the night or set the mood to whatever you feel...

and thats why with my recent purchase of a jawbone BIGJAMBOX ... i feel like i have pulled a “Christina Aguilera” and went “back to basics” and realized from playing the very first song on my jambox...

oh what have i been missing all these years...

i have been missing the gift of music... And nothing compares to a good ole fashioned boom box...

(F.Y.I. i just only discovered how to use “Bluetooth” technology on my iphone with my boombox... ) it still feels so utterly futuristic to me to play music with a touch of a button from my phone wirelessly...

im such a tech dumbo... (giggle giggle)

:-p


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Never Meant To Be...



i fell in love with the your soul...
a notion i hope to forget...
how could i have had such feelings...
for someone i’ve never even met...

if words could be so powerful...
and hearing your voice was real...
but seeing you on screen was technical...
couldn’t “touch” let alone to “feel”...

“we share a bond that’s undeniable”...
those very words you said to me...
but somehow through all the happy times...
now feels like it was never meant to be...


~ by N!LoC ~

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Snap...


medium rare please....

ooo this guy is so hunky... (in a beefy juicy kinda way)...

this is what i call... "medium rare" ... and not "well done"...

(i know i am describing him as if he is a cow or something...)

but really ... any man i see in a tank top becomes just a piece of meat to me...

and i just want to dig into that piece of  "rib eye steak" now...

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