Thursday, November 28, 2013

For The Love Of Me...



when i was young... i thought i knew everything
a man i wished for... would walk into my life
but now my heart’s wrecked and broken and laid out on the floor
never knew better than to take my own advice...

i thought ...

it was all so possible...
you put a smile on my face...
then it was impossible...
when i fell in love in the first place...

so for the love of me
i want to not remember
what made me think that it was wise
to fall and fantasize

for the love of me
since this past September
time went by... i didn’t "cry"
as i write my life on this rainbow sky


~ by N!LoC ~

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Snap...


guess where i am?

i am at a meat market....

and i spy me some juicy red  mmmmmm

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Realize Part 2...



continued from PART 1...

ok i want to be respectful of the guy and not give away juicy details or the play by play of what literally happened during our session but I can tell you this much... 

There was no kissing on the lips, blowing or f*#<!ng involved (I didn’t even cum...) not because I didn’t get hard, it was just because I didn’t even think about it... I just tied his hands up, fondled and molested his body for a good while and ended it with me giving him a hand job with a happy ending...

now through all of this I discovered something about myself which I kinda knew all along... 

"I am such a giver"...

I give and give and give and just aim to please by giving... And I seem to transform into this sultry little borderline slut minx behind closed doors! (I guess I get that from watching too much female 2 male fetish porn lol!) but above all, I discovered that even though I thoroughly enjoyed myself (for this technically being my first official physical experience), there was no connection behind my kisses, there was nothing behind my seductive touches, it was basically on the surface all the way, as superficial and empty as it could possibly be... (don't get me wrong... i have to stress the fact that i really did enjoy myself!)

Which made me think?... hmm... if It feels this good doing it with with a guy who I just basically met for the third time, I can only imagine what it would be like to do this with someone special , a boyfriend?, a lover? Perhaps?...

 it would absolutely be mindBLOWing!!!!  (pun intended!!!) 

And funny enough....just like how this guy was the first one who made me realize that my personal kinky preference was specifically "BONDAGE" and not "BDSM", this time around he made me realize something else… 

and so the moral of this story is...

 “I needed to have sex... to know that I want to make love”

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Realize Part 1...



"isn’t it funny how when you finally stop looking...that’s when things start to happen?" 

See, Not too long ago i made a conscious decision to stop trying to find gay friends both online and in real life because honestly, it really takes an emotional toll on ya with all the hi’s and (non) good bye’s and the endless sudden disappearing acts bundled together with lies on top of lies on top of more lies to make a foot high sour cream parfait...

i just got so seriously bored of all the (hi.. top or bottom?) introductions, gosh… do gay guys know how to start a decent conversation anymore? 

Anyways, just when I decided to delete all my gay social apps and even my most favorite fetish kink app “RECON”… the boys from my past just started flowing in ALL AT ONCE! (I couldn’t believe they all still kept my phone number!) 

and one of them in particular as mentioned in my last blog post “My Little Black Book: Revelation…” basically texted me out of the blue again  for a “hook up” and you know how the saying goes…”third times the charm” and it was indeed!   

the only reason why I decided to go through with it this time around was well I guess he came in at the right place at the right time and he played all his cards right...and what I mean by that is that he basically was so accommodating and gave me total control of the situation.

He said “I will play by your rules”.... And “if you are not comfortable with this, you don’t have to do it” 

(ok? A guy who meant business and wasn’t pushing it) and so we made our way over to his house and the fun began...

continued to PART 2...


Saturday, November 16, 2013

My Little Black Book: Revelation...



"...every now and then... i find myself doing a little soul searching about why is it just so hard for me to find a decent guy to call my own... and in this particular episode of my life... i looked back on my experiences with guys that just make me wonder... where are all the good guys...?"

SUB GUY ~

this guy started chatting with me first... he said my profile caught his attention and  stood out from the rest because it had a long introduction and he liked what he read on my blog (which was linked on my profile)

boy oh boy!... was i extra happy when i found out that he also had a profile on another gay kinky fetish app... and i knew then ...i just had to meet him...he was potential boyfriend material... smart and intelligent... assertive and had many things to talk about... 

he talked about his obsession with being degraded and humiliated by a "dom" and he made me open up about my own fetishes and by the the end of the night... he proposed that we should try some of those things out ...but i politely declined as sweetly as i could because i was unsure... and i was not turned on by him ... not because he wasn’t an attractive guy... but because it was my body’s natural way of telling me that i really liked this one... (hey! when u really like a guy... the last thing you think about is sex right?)...

well he went M.I.A for  few months before suddenly popping out from the blue and contacted me again... asking me to go grocery shopping with him... (i was bored... it was a lazy Sunday afternoon... and so i thought “oh what the heck?” )...

it was really nice going grocery shopping with someone (other than my mom lol!)... it was a taste of what it would feel like to have to do this seemingly mundane thing with a boyfriend ...i told him all about the best deals and what brands of toothpaste, soap and dishwashing liquid he should get ... and he even asked me for my opinion about which car air freshener smelled better... (i of course chose the one that smelled like zesty ORANGES!! hmmm my favorite !!! hihi)...

on our drive back we stopped by an empty playground near his place and he pulled down his pants to show me his penis (yes... it happened so abruptly)... which was enclosed in this silicone cock cage with spikes all around... and he asked me to play with it.... which i again politely declined... (weird right???)

later that night we went to watch “epic” ... he just came from his cousins wedding and he wasn’t wearing his glasses... (oh he looked so nice)... we had a great time... but in the end i found out that he had a boyfriend.. which made me wonder...

why on earth did he get me in his car earlier to drop his pants  and show me his tortured confined cock ?  so weird?... (i guess he just used me to just get a thrill of showing his willy)...

well....either that or he just wanted to get my expert advice on grocery products hmmm lol

f.y.i. he was the guy that made me realize that my kinky preference was BONDAGE as written in a past blog post (click "HERE") to read...

** as of the date of this published post, me and sub guy had a kinky session together... and it was awesome !



Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Don't Call Me Huney...



You…
and me…
we know we got some his~to~ry…

and me…
I know I’m always such a fool…

for you…
but since I’m not that kind of cool…
with things that’s happ~enin' around ya…
don’t know what to do…

you don’t “like” me…
the way you really should…
am I misunderstood…?
why don’t you take a f#ck!ng look…

on your ~ FACE BOOK! …
you seeing what I see…?
So now it’s gonna be…

DON’T CALL ME HUNey !

you know them other boys are things I never knew…
looks like you really got ~ a few…
so it’s time for me to stop ! this ! crazy !…
there will be nothing more from me…

so...

DON’T CALL ME HUNey !


~ by N!LoC ~


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Snap...


excuse me sir.....

there seems to be a piece of lint on your tank top....

do you need me to brush it off for you?

right there on your back.....

or maybe i'll just "blow" it off you....(giggle giggle)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Your Bad...



i saw it coming...  it’s not any surprise...
i wanted to believe... but i knew all was a lie...

how good of an act? yes... i’m still amazed...
told all your stories... just glad i wasn’t phased...

you said you were good...
you said you were nice...
you said you were everything...
so i rolled the dice...

now disappear into dust... forget we never met...
move on to your next... someone more stupid i bet...

although the thought of "us"... i’ll admit was sublime...
it really could’ve been... so it’s “your bad”... not mine...

~ By N!LoC ~

Sunday, November 3, 2013

My Little Black Book :Young & Old...


"...every now and then... i find myself doing a little soul searching about why is it just so hard for me to find a decent guy to call my own... and in this particular episode of my life... i looked back on my experiences with guys that just make me wonder... where are all the good guys...?"

UNCLE QUEEN ~

oh... met up with this older guy in his early 50’s and actually hit it off straight away! we kept the conversation going... talked about his wife and his kids and it was all rather interesting... he was the one and only guy that paid the bill for our green tea lattes... and at the end of the night.. he walked me to my car and totally stole a kiss on my cheek! together with a side strangling hug...

we did plan to go to a gay club together one weekend but it never transpired because he just disappeared into dust and never heard from him again...

(gosh... i still can’t believe he totally kissed me in public !)

LAB BOY ~

right after uncle queen, i started chatting with this tall cute and nerdy guy who was much more age appropriate for me... we had such chemistry on chat that we just had to meet up... and his work place was just minutes away from where i lived! (how great was that???)...

 we had late night drinks one Friday and after that we did an impromptu date walk at a park nearby... everything went great.. it was the closest thing to a perfect date i ever experienced... we even continued our conversation on chat  when we got home...

but then after that a few things happened over the next few days...and i even wrote about it in a post called “The Truth About Me” where i guess maybe he just wasn’t that into me... 

he too disappeared into dust right after april fools day when i posted a picture of him on his facebook page shirtless by the pool and  photoshopped a flower bra and lipstick on his face... apparently he didn’t take it too well... because he kinda scolded me and said a few nasty things and deleted the pic almost immidiately !


(shesh! some people just don’t know how to take a joke!)

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