Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I Love Myself...


lookin' good :-)


oprah once said....

"nobody can truly love you until you learn to love yourself"...

and that was a "light bulb moment" (as she always says)... it was something that was so simple.. but years later i still struggle to find deeper acceptance within myself...

i wrote a blog post last year about my ugly duckling syndrome and to be completely honest... i am still learning how to deal with my insecurities and imperfections especially with my body image...

my whole life i have never strived to look "perfect"... all i wanted was just to look "nice"... and the way i see myself in the mirror sometimes (urghh) can be a whole debatable Xtina music video "moment" a.k.a (BEAUTIFUL)

but i can proudly say that i have in fact come a long way from the shy ugly insecure little boy that i was... and now see myself in a whole different light (though still taking small baby steps)...

and with more and more people who see me and describe me using words like "cute" "sexy" "hot" "beautiful" for once in my life... i actually believe it...

i am a "beautiful"... "hot"... "sexy"..."cute" ... guy...

i just can't believe it has taken me THIS long to REALIZE it...

i guess this "ugly duckling" is finally turning into a beautiful swan after all...

:-)

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Snap...


skinny... and yummy....

sticks and stones may break my bones... and snaps of guys in tank tops make my knees weak...

and skinny twinks are definitely an exception !!!

:-)



Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Silly Moment...


hmmm... i'm quite sure that "your eyes" & "your face"
 counts as one thing...


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Mr. Tanktop Part 3...







PUBLIC RESTROOM!!!

i was aware how SLEAZY the whole moment was turning  into but i guess i just wanted to dip my toes into the "wild"

so once we were in the cubicle together... he dove straight for it and stuck his tongue down my left ear (it was like hearing my self drown in a slobbery puddle of spit!)...he unbuttoned the top half of my shirt... and i pulled his tanktop over the back of his neck...

D E L I C I O U S ... F R O N T ... V I E W ! ! !

yes... he had an @mAz!nG 6 pack and a smokin hot body (he must have been in his late 30's because his matured face gave it away).. i was so nervous ... my heart was pounding like a "david guetta" song....

he then started to undo my jean button and zipper and started fondling my p3n!$ and then moved on to "finger" me up the @$$...(that was totally unexpected... almost made me whimper out loud!)

he pulled my head towards his chest to suck on his n!ppL3$ (i quite enjoyed that one!)...then he dropped his pants and showed me his amazing

THICK

STRONG

BEEFY

PIECE OF

THROBBING

[0[K !!!

i held it in my right hand and was in disbelief!!  that such a huge piece of human meat actually existed!!!...he pointed me to go down on him... but like a reflex action.. i simply whispered out...

"i don't suck [0[K"

well.. the uneventful moment ended with me giving him a quick hand job but he never did manage to cross the finish line because i guess we were aware that someone started getting suspicious in the cubicle beside us...

and as it turned out.. a month later...i actually saw him multiple times again around that area with other young virginal innocent looking guys going into that very same public restroom together!... man oh man.. i guess "MR. TANKTOP" was in fact "MR. PREDATOR" who really liked his prey young!

not my proudest moment... but yeah.. no regrets...at least i can look back on my innocent teenage years and say...

"i made out with a hot stranger in a tanktop in a public restroom!!!"

(and give myself a pat on the back)

:-)

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Mr. Tanktop Part 2...




...continued from part 1

when mr. tanktop finally came up to me and started chatting me up with a casual "hi" and stuff.. i kinda knew what was his agenda...

(it's now all a blurr) but i remember him saying something like...

" i saw you staring at me... i think you're a cute boy"

"do u like what you see?"

(i just froze up and started blinking my eyes like crazy) .. then he continued by saying...

"look... i'm going fishing in a moment... but before i go ... do you want to...."

(insert descriptive explicit language)

"look ... i'm a nice guy but i'm feeling a little HOT right now so... like maybe...do you wanna help me cool off somewhere?"

(or something like that... i don't recall his exact words)... and i don't know what in gods name made me agree to this stranger's proposal...but yeah.. i did say YES...

i was young...

i was stupid...

i was horny...

i was a virgin... (and still am )

my curiosity got the best of me... i was in the moment and wanted to have an experience...and so we made our way to the...

continued to part 3...


Monday, May 14, 2012

Mr. Tanktop Part 1...




it's no secret that i have a "thing" for guys in tanktops... and exactly a decade ago.. my "thing" for guys in tanktops brought me to a rather uneventful moment in a rather unexpected place...

i believe.. it was a rather fine saturday evening when i was on my way home from a day of window shopping... as i passed by a starbucks cafe where there was quite a long queue of customers...

my eyes immediately zeroed in to this guy with a great body wearing an orange tank top with the words "i love thailand" on the front...as curiosity got the best of me.. i think i stared at him for just a little to long... and that was when he looked at me and caught my stare...we had a "moment" then i looked away...

(i guess the official term to call this would be "cruising")

i was on my way walking for about a minute.. when i slowly noticed out of the corner of my eye that the guy in the tanktop was actually following behind me!!!.. (i was horrified!!! i thought he was queuing up for some mocha fatty frallaccinno or something!!!) and all i could think to myself was...

OMG OMG OMG

"he 's gonna rape me !!  he's gonna rape me!!"

AHHHHHH!!!!!!

continued to part 2...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Snap...


@@@@hh!!!!

some guys just have no idea what they do to a little boi like me....

as if wearing a tank top wasn't enough... he had to raise his arms over his head...exhibiting his well pumped bulging biceps... (i swear... if i was sitting in front of him... i would have had an orgasm right there on the spot!)

how could he just nonchalantly "stretch" and "pose" like that in public?? he was practically dangling his oozing manliness for all to see!

i tell ya... that is one pose that always manages to stop me in my tracks and possibly cause me an iddy biddy heart attack..

well the downside was... it was a shame that he shaved his pits... because if i saw a full set of his thick man bushes... i think i would have just dropped dead and died....

sigh...

(a little too dramatic???)

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Putting The Cauc In Asian...




CAUC =  my boyfriend

ASIAN = me   :-)

CAUCASIAN!!!

get it?? (hihihi)

years ago... i had this silly life plan i made up... and that plan was for me to loose my virginity before i hit the age of 30 !

i was actually so determined for it to happen...but then i ran into an unexpected "roadblock" where some jerk played me and just wanted to get into my pants as part of his conquest...

and after that was over ... i felt that maybe loosing my virginity wasn't all that important anymore... (i keep scratching my head as to why i felt that it was such an important thing to accomplish??) ... like some sort of right of passage... (stupid right??)

but now after finding my boyfriend through an online site....and being in a long distance relationship (LDR) with my him for over a year..... i still feel that i am not ready to "do it"... and when i say "do it" i mean (get f*ck3d)

and since my boyfriend made it clear that he is a TOP... i automatically have to be the BOTTOM for him.. (which i find a little unfair)... i don't even have the benefit of the doubt to try both to see which one i may like (provided i actually "like" doing any of it)...

i'm very apprehensive about it... i mean i am not a person who gets turned on by "sodomy"...but then again a lot of my friends keep telling me.."you won't know that until you try ! "

and to quote something so (politically and racially incorrect) my rice queen boyfriend once said to me :-

"i haven't met any asian who didn't like getting f*ck3d!"   

Thursday, May 3, 2012

A Gun...


Kathy Griffin ~ Comedienne


people can be cruel just for fun...

they bully and tease like it's all fake...

never realizing that they hold a gun...

a gun that deep down is shooting H8...

 ~ N!LoC ~


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

My All...


there was a time...

when i was so lonely... that my heart would drop whenever a good looking guy would get close to me... and i think i have quite low standards when it comes to what guys i find "good looking"

and when i say "close to me" i mean.. total strangers just even standing beside me on the train or at the bookstore while stealing a read at the magazine section...

i was that lonely... and desperate for male company...

and one song that always hits home for me is "MY ALL"...

because i could feel the desperation in the way the lyrics flowed... and as i put myself in the song singing it (i always picture my self as the star of my own imaginary music video)..

as if i was a dying flower...slowly drowning ...and nobody was aware of my loneliness...nobody was there to save me....no one able to fulfill my basic desires for "A" man...."ANY" man... and so i slowly sink into the dark waters... even the beautiful lifeguards from BAYWATCH didn't look my way.....nobody ever looks my way... and so i simply let myself drown....

yes...i was that desperate.....

(and dramatic)



My All ~ Mariah Carey

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