Thursday, December 22, 2011

Snap...



robocop vision : target identified


my name is N!LoC... and i'm an addict...

i'm addicted to .....TANKTOPS...

call me a pervert...

call me a sexual predator...

call me whatever you want...

i accept full responsibility for my actions...

but i just wanna state ... that i was not always this way...

this just happened after i got my iphone...and candid "snaps" became so conveniently discreet and easy...

oh santa... all i want for christmas is to touch and kiss that lovely bicep of his...

i have been a very good boy this year... i swear...

:-)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Not Good...




i know for a fact that i was "born this gay" ...but if i could blame someone for it.. i could hypothetically blame my mom...

this is my hypothesis:-

when i think about it... she made no secret of wanting to have a girl after giving birth to 2 boys back to back...i heard stories from cousins that my mom was always hoping for a girl when she was pregnant with me...and well..all i have to say is... be careful what your wish for ... because you just might get it..."just might"..

when i think about it..there was an incident when i was like 7 and my mom bought the KATHY SMITH and JANE FONDA aerobic vcds.(yes..ancient video compact discs)...and when i tried to watch them and try them out my mom stopped me and freaked out...and said "don't watch that!!!...it's not good!"...

what in the frickin hell?? i was so bloody confused...what was not good? trying to discover a healthy habit at an early age of keeping fit with aerobics?? or...... WATCHING KATHY SMITH DO POWER SQUATS IN HER TOOTH FLOSS LEOTARD?... (that incident took me quite a long time to figure out)....

when i think more about it...there was a time when the SPICE GIRLS ruled the world.. and i proclaimed my self as a SPICE boy for life... "GIRL POWER"!!!!....she at one point asked me as if it was such an unsolved mystery..."why do you only like girl singers...it's not good"???...like as if It was a "bad" thing...making me feel like i only liked "sexy female singers (keep in mind i was discovering all the pop goddesses of the 90's at that time..)PAULA JANET MARIAH WHITNEY TONI CELINE SHANIA FAITH ...

and if you are thinking ...(what?? CELINE?? SEXY???) ...there was this moment where i watched CELINE'S music video (immortality feat. the bee gees) and CELINE was wearing a low cut victorian pompous dress that showed the slightest hint of her HUMONGOUS BOOBIES (gotta be sarcastic)...and my mom said "don't watch MTV...it's not good"...

hmmm??? don't watch MTV...? or don't watch CELINE dress remotely sexy???

ok.. so let's round it up....

watching KATHY SMITH and JANE FONDA do squats in a leotard is "NOT GOOD"!!!

being a worshiper of the SPICE GIRLS is "NOT GOOD"!!!

seeing CELINE and all her seXXayyy with the bee gees is...(say it with me )

"NOT GOOD"!!!???

i also recall that she had a talk with me one day saying that having a girlfriend is not important (well ...at least she didn't say "NOT GOOD"!!!) because i guess she suspected that i was such a suave playboy ..because i always hung out with the girls in school..

gosh oh gosh....

i guess i don't blame my mom for me being gay.... i am who i am ...because i just am.....
but i'm just saying..... she didn't really paint a clear picture as to why girls in general were just...."NOT GOOD"????

but i know .... i like boys...boys are "VERY GOOD"!!! hmmmmmm

Friday, December 16, 2011

If I Let You Go...


sure american boy bands are all cute and hot...

but euro boy bands had their fair share of sex appeal and (tanktop-wearing) hotties... BOYZONE...TAKE THAT...CODE RED...BLUE...5IVE...

but only one boy band holds a special place in my heart...

yeah.. maybe it was because i was going through my dark years of depression...(i self diagnosed my self because according to oprah... i had all the exact symptoms) or maybe i was also suffering from spice girls withdrawal (they just broke up DAMN GINGER SPICE!)...so i had to come to terms with understanding what i was feeling when seeing these boys...and those beautiful boys were called

WESTLIFE...

believe it or not.. they are actually still around today... and planning a final tour before they officially call it quits...and i was lucky enough to see them in concert 2 decades ago (YIKES I'M OLD)....and it was actually my very first official concert i attended...so i kinda lost my concert-virginity to them.... (blush blush)

here is the weird part....the day after the concert i slowly realized i couldn't eat...i couldn't sleep and and i couldn't even attend school one day because i would be on the verge of tears for no apparent reason in class...and i lost close to 20 lbs in like just 2 weeks until my mom got so worried she sent me to the hospital to get a blood test and health checkup...(the lady doctor even jokingly asked what my secret diet was ? because she wanted to drop 20lbs in two weeks too!)

i used to listen to ALL their songs and always shed a tear...(yes corny.. i know) but as i said.. i was going through depression.... probably any sad love song i listened to turned on my water works.. i guess mainly... because i was in despair..worrying about myself if i was going to be alone my whole life... i didn't really come to terms with being GAY...(i still thought it was just a phase..and i would eventually "like" girls and get married or something)... so this was really my first male idolizing experiencing... (right after MARIAH and THE SPICE GIRLS)

i stopped following westlife right after their 2nd album...because i was in a weird place in life and decided not to let the depressing years resurface...

i don't have any of their songs in my ipod because listening to their songs would only bring back the memories of those dark years... (and my memory is a scary one...) any song i listen brings me right back to the exact day and exact feeling ...so it's best that my westlife cd's remained untouched...(ooo i can't believe I'm putting this video on my blog...it brings me right back ...)

"if i let you go".... the music and the lyrics.... speak for themselves....





Westlife ~ If I Let You Go


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Christmas Tale...


once upon a christmas time...

a charming PLAYER swept ME off my feet...i fell hard...and i fell fast...

but to my dismay... i learnt that he had a HUBBY...

and he also told ME that he was still in love with his X...which he said was his "1st true love"...

on the night before christmas... his HUBBY spent the night with A "friend" which made PLAYER crazy jealous!!!

so PLAYER found refuge with ME over a midnight chirstmas phone call and said "i love you"...

HUBBY was feeling suspicious of PLAYER and talked to X about a few things...

so they both went to ME to clear some things up...but we all found out the truth about PLAYER!!!

PLAYER was using ME for recreational purposes playing ME like a complete fool...

HUBBY had enough of PLAYER'S dirty little ways and broke it off with him...

and then almost immediately... HUBBY tried to hook up with ME!!!???

i didn't want anything more to do with these crazy boys so i cut them out from my life "cold turkey"...


good riddance for bad rubbish....


Monday, December 12, 2011

I Say...



Kimora Lee ~ Life In The Fab Lane




some people think they know but they have no idea...

they just say things like "gay people choose to be gay"

who are they to presume that it's a choice?

i simply say... "i was born this way"

 ~ N!LoC ~




Friday, December 9, 2011

Long Distance Relationship...




i was having a conversation today with a gal friend.. and we were talking about ...her...(as usual)...and we stumbled upon the topic of LDR (long distance relationship)...

she was worried because she could possibility be in one soon... if her boyfriend decides to take a job in a different country..(not that far) but still ..it's a neighbouring country across the pond...

and she was saying how her ex boyfriend just broke up with his girl because... he too , was in a LDR..after he relocated to a different country for work...and the inserted excuse for the breakup was because she....

"fell out of love"....

and then ... my friend said...

(dramatic pause)

"i knew they wouldn't last...because long distance relationships never work"...

now... keep in mind... i am in a long distance relationship myself .. and for her to say such a blatant remark like that knowing damn well that i am in a LDR was un-called for.. and she didn't even try to do damage control... i just kept quiet and nodded my head and went along with it...

now... i have never been a believer in LDR's but since i somehow got myself into one (call it fate? call it destiny? call it being at the right website at the right time?)... i might as well try "my best" and go "all the way" with it... even though statistics prove differently..

oh.. how exciting it would be ...if her boyfriend had to relocate and i get to watch her go through the trials and tribulations of a LDR... she still has yet to acknowledge my very own LDR and not once has she asked me about it... i am practically a LDR veteran in the making...and i learn something new everyday!

LDR's.... it ain't easy i tell ya !!!

but someone's gotta do it !!!

:-)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Another Hallmark Moment...



and it grows...

"i can't get you out of my mind...i keep thinking about how much i enjoy talking with you...how great you look when you smile and how i  like your laugh...i daydream about you off and on all day...replaying pieces of your conversation...laughing again about funny things you said or did...i've memorized your face and the way you look at me...it melts my heart every time i think about it...and i catch myself smiling when i imagine what will happen the next time we're together...you must be something really special because i can't remember the last time i felt so strongly about someone... even though neither of us knows what the future holds...i know one thing for sure...you're one of the very best things that's happened to me in a long time..."
by Renee Duvall

just another excerpt from a hallmak card... really nice....

Monday, December 5, 2011

Last Christmas...



you know that song... ?  the one that goes....

    "last christmas, i gave you my heart... but the very next day... you gave it away."
i heard it a few weeks ago at the mall.. and it hasn't left my head since... because it just brings it all back... this was about the time last year..where that actually happened to me...

i have no hard feelings anymore ... i can proudly say that i have moved on...but still...something just doesn't seem right this december...

is christmas really the most wonder full time of the year?...if it is... then why do i feel like the grinch ? dreading christmas... just like how i dread valentines day ..?

i guess for me... this christmas is a time for reflections...the year is coming to an end... and a new one will soon begin... i try to think of all of the things that happened last christmas..

the people i've met...

people who i thought i could call my friends...

and my coming out moment that was a whole nother drama...

"ti's the season to be jolly"    :-)

"it's a time for giving"   :-)

but... "last chirstmas i gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away"   :-(

Friday, December 2, 2011

Top 5...



top 5 reasons why i watch DANCING WITH THE STARS:-


5 ~ i get to see professional male ballroom dancers shake their booty

4 ~ and after they finish a dance.. they are usually breathing hard and glistening in sweat

3 ~ rehearsal footage is always a treat because you get to see them TRAIN and take CONTROL

2 ~ watching it makes me fantasize about being a contestant being paired up with one of the male partners grinding up against his hot body during the samba

1 ~ their latin ballroom outfits usually consists of tanktops or unbuttoned shirts ...(shirt optional)
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